....It's The Lil' Things That Make Life Sweet....

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I should be studying. Yes. I should.

My mind is filled with so many thoughts. All random yet all carrying meanings which are so significant. Significant being that these things that I'm thinking about matters alot to me.

Doubt.

Ugly word that one. Unfortunately it's been the most frequent agenda on my mind for quite awhile.

I'm doubting almost everything now. And that's not good. I'm doubting my abilities. I'm doubting the relationships around me. I'm doubting sincerity. I'm doubting my principles. I'm doubting if I still know what's best for me.

Be warned. This is gonna be an emo post. Cease reading if you don't like whiny emo people like me.

My heart is.....afraid.....of......being......hurt.....by.....the......people.....I care....about.

That is something I shouldn't say. Oh boy.

This fear I'm feeling. It's not right. I feel so ungrateful but I can't help it. I don't know how to diminish this. I don't know how. I care so much. I care so much that it can sometimes hurt.

No it doesn't make any sense. Nevermind you, it doesn't even make any sense to me.

Sometimes there's this really strong urge to run away and live alone. Depend on only me and no one else.

Isolation.

Not a good word too.

I realised that I'm too dependent on the people around me. And that's why I'm afraid. What will I do if I no longer have them? I seriously want someone who can see me for me. Accept me for who I am and never leave. Never judging and always care. Don't leave. Please.

Abandonment.

Another bad word.

What do I want actually? I can never seem to get that assurance I yearn for. I hate to assume. I hate to not know for sure. Sometimes I feel myself walking blind-folded with no hand railings. Nothing to guide me. Fall and that's it. I'm afraid I can never get up.

Emo-ness Maximus. Wow.

This might be the exam stress talking.

I feel better now. Worry not. Just gimme a big hug when you see me.

Thank you.

melia signed out with love @ 2:17 AM (1) earthling(s) farted

Comments:

hey babe, why suddenly feel this way? anyway just wanna assure you that no matter what happens, I'll always stand right next to you, all ready to lend you my hand whenever you are falling. will never ever leave your side, love ya lots and lots. and yea thanks for wishing me happy birthday hahaha muax!!

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..What About Amelia?..

Because this blog needs an introduction
Here goes!

I'm 40% mature, 30% child-like
10% fashionista, 8% dork
6% klutzy, 3% dreamer
2% blur, 1% hero x)

I also want to marry John Mayer
And oh, I want a pet unicorn too x)

More self-absorbed information here!!

..Mood-o-meter..