....It's The Lil' Things That Make Life Sweet....

Monday, January 12, 2009

This is what happens when I start thinking too much.

I get way too emotional and sometimes, delusional.

But judging by my mood swings today, I think I'm gonna pass a little of the blame on my hormones. Or Hormelians as he would call them.

Realizing that I'm so deeply flawed is hard. It gets harder when I recall those moments when I've been at my worst and not realize it. I cringe at every recollection. I remember the things I've said, the look on their faces, and now, after all these years I'm finally faced with the truth - that I was wrong. It sucks to be wrong. It sucks even more to be wrong after thinking I was right all along. It's also very embarassing. How can I not see what I was doing? How could I have been so utterly obnoxious and not know it? Sigh.

Taking the first step to change - apology. Sure it bruises the ego a little and there's a part of me that doesn't want to admit defeat but being stubborn isn't going to make me a better person. I have too much to lose. And being stubborn is not worth losing all that I care about.

I can't believe that I've been such a horrible person. I'll never understand how this came to be.

Today I also discovered things that I hated about myself. Seeing Vincent dedicate that song to my grandfather reminded me of the things I promised him at his funeral. I promised that I'd make him proud. Thus far, I have done nothing. Nothing. I am not proud of myself. I can't remember the last time I was.

I miss you Kung Kung. I wish I had half of your strength and integrity. I wish you were still here to give me words of encouragement. I wish I could see the pride in your face when you see me, so that I can remember what it was like to feel great. You believed in me. Sometimes I wish I can believe in myself.

Today I admit that I've done wrong. Today I admit that I've been a lousy person. Today I ask for forgiveness. Today I promise to be better.

Today, I also feel like shit.

melia signed out with love @ 2:43 AM (1) earthling(s) farted

Comments:

"I think the fact that you realise this change and don’t like what you see means that the core of who you are still remains strong. I always believe that no matter the external changes, deep down inside you are who you are and nothing can change that. All you need is a little reminder of who you want to be. We sometimes forget that along to way but it’s definitely not something you’ll lose."

Thanks for the reminder. It's my turn to return the favour.

# posted by

Tze Lun : 1:21 PM

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..What About Amelia?..

Because this blog needs an introduction
Here goes!

I'm 40% mature, 30% child-like
10% fashionista, 8% dork
6% klutzy, 3% dreamer
2% blur, 1% hero x)

I also want to marry John Mayer
And oh, I want a pet unicorn too x)

More self-absorbed information here!!

..Mood-o-meter..