....It's The Lil' Things That Make Life Sweet....

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Alone.

It's so quiet here......well not really. The frogs are croaking. I can here my roomie's audio book playing. There's a motorcycle that just passed by. And there's that soft hum of the laptop.

I can hear the my brain working. It's tired. It wants a break. So much has happened. I wish I could stay happy for a little while longer but things are pretty set on being bad lately.

And through all this, I feel so alone. For once, I feel like I have no one I can depend on. There used to be a sure person I could go to at times like these. But today I realised that I don't have that someone anymore. Everyone that could be has either drifted or has too much going on in life to really be there. Or here.

I miss home. I miss having absolutely nothing to worry about. I miss being taken care of.

It worried me when I realised that if I keep this up, I'll probably be taking care of people all my life. I am quite tired. My back hurts even. It really hurts. I'm at a point where I want to be taken care of. I want to not worry and be stressed out about things. I want someone to tell me that things will be okay and that I can sit back and relax and watch things unfold...nicely.

But I know better. Not going to happen in awhile. Unless I take a new turn in life.

Perhaps it's why I'm planning to move home. I miss the stability. I miss the comfort of knowing that these people will love me no matter my flaws. I miss talking to people who genuinely care and take a keen interest on my well being.

I'm tired of dealing with crap. With shitty attitudes and jokes that are not funny and expectations and stubborn people who aren't willing to compromise or don't really give a shit about how I'll feel. I'm tired of acting like I'm fine with it, laughing it off or not saying anything because I don't want to make a big deal or create tension or a scene. I'm tired of waiting, empty promises and endless excuses. I'm tired of being conscious of being demanding when I never have been. I'm tired of doing and sacrificing so much without much in return. I'm tired of explaining myself or trying to make people feel better. I'm tired of people talking down to me and making me feel like crap. I'm tired of insults. I'm tired of anger. I'm tired.

I just want people to be nice to me.

And maybe that's why I feel so alone.

melia signed out with love @ 6:04 AM (1) earthling(s) farted

Comments:

awww...here a little bear hug to make you feel better. we all go through lonely times, instead of letting it get to us, let it shape us and help us be a stronger person. loneliness could sometimes be the state of the mind. you will be alright dear.

# posted by

Junbug : 5:18 PM

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..What About Amelia?..

Because this blog needs an introduction
Here goes!

I'm 40% mature, 30% child-like
10% fashionista, 8% dork
6% klutzy, 3% dreamer
2% blur, 1% hero x)

I also want to marry John Mayer
And oh, I want a pet unicorn too x)

More self-absorbed information here!!

..Mood-o-meter..